A call from the Garrigue

Artificial Intelligence And The Gendarme.

 

Artificial Intelligence And The Gendarme

While waiting for the robot voice to allow me entry into my local Gendarmerie, a fellow walked up and joined me. There is no easy access into a Gendarmerie in France, they live in fear of an armed terrorist, being allowed entry, so they will never open the automatic lock on the outside gate until you have been vetted by sight of eye.

While we were waiting together, for the robot to announce that there was now an officer at the desk whom could take care of our needs, we had an amusing conversation. I find both robots and their voices annoying. I was telling this guy about an incident, when having just bought a piece of electronique equipment, that was proving just a little bit difficult to make  do what it was supposed to do, and before I damaged something I decided it might be better to check it out with the After Sales Service.

Any business now has a robot who asks you to hit on the number which corresponds with your problem. I listened to the voice giving me the list but I did not hear After Sales. So I waited for him to tell me how to back to the beginning, so that I could listen again and choose something “close” to After Sales. However the voice said, “Sorry I heard nothing.”

I was completely confused, so I switched my phone off and dialed again and listened to the same spiel, and once again I found nothing in the menu even remotely referring to After Sales and the voice kept saying “sorry I heard nothing.” At this point I realised that I had to speak to the robot, so I said “After Sales Service.” and the bastard robot said, “Sorry I did not understand.” So you speak in a firmer voice, and he said it again, “Sorry I did not understand.”

I repeated After Sales about three or four times, he gave me the same answer. In the end I said, “Kitchen Equipment,” He understood that with no problem. A woman answered the phone and asked how she could help me. I asked if she could put me through to After Sales, she no, I would have to go back to the mad robot, but anyway After Sales is closed on a saturday. Obviously, if the robot is not programmed to hear After Sales, he wont understand, and as it happened After Sales was an exterior number, which did not work on Saturdays, or something like that.

I complained, to the fellow at the gate with me, just to pass the time, about putting a robot in charge of a switchboard, when a human being would be better. His response surprised me. He told that his profession was as a Programmer, working on software for Artificial Intelligence and its application into the control systems of robots. I laughed and said “So that means you’re the enemy.”

“Not a bit of it, I had a crisis of conscience and packed it in, as soon as I became aware that I was not working towards a utopia, where the working man could do a twenty hour week and have months of holidays but instead to a day when the working man would be an unaffordable luxury.”

I put it to him that in fact we were almost there, as there is no work for those already living in France, where there is already, in certain places, thirty per-cent unemployment, yet they continue to create robots to do away with us while at the same time bringing in thousands of immigrants.

“That’s exactly what’s happening and that’s why I’m here.” At which point the gate clicked open and we entered the Gendarmerie together.

I could see that the duty Gendarme, thought we were together, so he spoke to my new friend, whom had entered in front of me, he turned to me and asked if I would mind if he was dealt with first, I said no and he started to explain how he had already paid a visit to the Police Nationale, where he had opened a dossier, which concerned his brother, who was being threatened with death, because of his political views in Spain, where he had become involved with the Opposition to the present government.

He was taken into a private office to continue his business with the Gendarme. After a while he came out and asked if he could use my telephone. Some document, which had been despatched over the inter-web, by the Police Nationale had failed to arrive. I handed him my phone, and that is where the fun started.

He started to explain, to whoever had answered the phone,  that he had opened a file with the Police Nationale,  which gave him access to the Euro Police and that the Gendarmerie, had need of this form which was necessary to enable them to continue the affair with the Euro Police, it is as simple as that.

He said, “Why are you asking me that?” then “But that’s not my business, that is for you to know.” and then, “Why do you keep on asking me to explain what your part in this is?” then he shouted “I’ve got no idea.” and then “I am being polite madame.” At that point she hung up.

I had to laugh after the conversation we had previously had about robots and here he was with a genuine human being and she was no better.

What he did say to me earlier, was that France is on the brink. There is total disillusion with the Government and something is going to happen and that will be the end of it. I hope he’s right, however not in my neck of the woods, where I pass my time nobody could give a toss, the most they can manage, is at all cost, never vote for the Front.

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